Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Taking This Week

This will be the only post this week.

I've been sitting in front of my laptop for at least two hours today thinking "I need to write something."  The truth is that I don't have a post in me about Lyn or Alzheimer's.  I need to rest my brain for a bit.  I took the day off from work to recover from our holiday weekend travel and found myself just sitting, wanting to find the moment of stillness, the opportunity to just breathe and not worry about who needed what by when.  See, I do really well with providing the what by the when and others rely on it.

Work has been intense for a few months as we approached the launch day for a project that was in development for two years.  It was a huge effort and my team and I put our hearts into it.  It's not perfect.  We see the gaps.  We've already started work to fill in those gaps and deliver the next phase of the effort.  However, it is GOOD and solid and we're proud of the work.

At home, my kids have started summer break.  Each year seems harder than the last but for different reasons.  The homework battle never ends and both now have summer academic work on their plates.  They will need a bit of prompting and tonight's attempt ended in an emotional conversation with my youngest about what lead to our adoption.  We've been warned that these conversations will happen and will be repeated as the child achieves different milestones.   Despite the warning, these conversations can leave you gasping internally.  I remember revisiting old hurts repeatedly as a child.  Each time I considered why my father abandoned us, I was surprised at how raw it felt for me despite my previous examinations of the topic.  The same is proving true for my kiddo.  While I'm playing a different role in these conversations, they are no less of an emotional minefield for either of us.

So, this is my post.  This is my "I need to change the laundry but don't really give a damn," my "sitting on the couch existing to the rhythm of the dogs' snores is enough right now" post.

My little one has gone to bed and I can stop being the adult.   I will grieve for my child's confusion and pain over other people's actions and decisions.  I'll switch out the laundry but it's not getting folded tonight.  Tomorrow, I'll put on my adult face for work and do what needs to be done there.  Tonight, I'm going to make a drink and veg.  I'll return to the blog in a few days.

Until then, know that Lyn is safe and happy.

4 comments:

  1. Kudos to you for knowing when you need to say "when". Part of your own healing is to sometimes give your insides time to catch up with your outsides. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and peace to you as you take time for yourself.

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    1. Thank you for the understanding. It was a needed break.

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  2. Yes, what Sharon said. Also...are any of your kids old enough to fold laundry? Not that it really matters. I have no idea how many times we have all dressed from the clothes basket.

    Lastly, congratulations on the launch of your project!

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    1. My kids do their own laundry. My husband and I do ours. He would have taken it over that night had he not had a beekeeper's association meeting to attend that night. Thank you for the note of support.

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