I was recently asked if I was "mad at GOD" because your sister is mentally challenged and now has this terrible disease. I answered quickly that there was a time I was very mad. I think if any parent of a special needs child says they weren't mad is telling a lie. I was mad, swore at HIM because there was no reason for my child to be less than perfect, because I didn't know how to take care of her and didn't want to deal with special needs. I couldn't dwell on being mad for long because she needed my attention, my care, my love. One night of no sleep I sat looking at her as she tried to drink more than one ounce I marveled at how cute she was, how wonderful her coloring was and how sweet a disposition she showed. It wasn't her "fault"; nor was it mine.
Because of my life long faith, I had learned there are times we just accept. There are times when no one has an answer for the why. I firmly believe HE has some plan and we don't know what it is. Will we ever know? Yes but not in this life. I know that whatever that plan is HE has included me. I have quit asking and now accept. Would I change things for her if I could? In a heartbeat. I watched her and could see HIM teaching me patience, teaching me acceptance of others, teaching me not to judge others. Have these lessons been learned? Somewhat, I'm still working on it.
Beginning in Sept 1978, I learned each day I had to turn the day over to HIM and that's difficult for someone like me. I knew that as long as I trust GOD things will work out. My Catholic faith teaches me that there are things that are accepted on faith. So now, this horrible brain disease is robbing her of so much and it breaks my heart. But, I've always prayed that HE takes her before me and it seems that prayer will be answered. And that's ok. I have faith in GOD, I have love for HIM and I trust in HIS wisdom. I accept what is when I can't change it. I thought I couldn't care for her but know I can, I did. She is safe, healthy and happy.
I will continue to ask HIM to help me each day and thank HIM each night. I don't have to have concrete answers because I have faith.