Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Reader Request - Part 2

Continuing from yesterday's post on how faith has impacted our experiences as we watch Lyn's Alzheimer's, here are Mom's thoughts:

"This afternoon you asked how my faith helps me in this dementia journey.  I have thought about how to answer and hundreds of things have run thru my brain.  Hopefully this won't be too confusing to anyone.

I was recently asked if I was "mad at GOD" because your sister is mentally challenged and now has this terrible disease.  I answered quickly that there was a time I was very mad.  I think if any parent of a special needs child says they weren't mad is telling a lie.  I was mad, swore at HIM because there was no reason for my child to be less than perfect, because I didn't know how to take care of her and didn't want to deal with special needs.  I couldn't dwell on being mad for long because she needed my attention, my care, my love.  One night of no sleep I sat looking at her as she tried to drink more than one ounce I marveled at how cute she was, how wonderful her coloring was and how sweet a disposition she showed.  It wasn't her "fault"; nor was it mine.  

Because of my life long faith, I had learned there are times we just accept.  There are times when no one has an answer for the why.  I firmly believe HE has some plan and we don't know what it is.  Will we ever know?  Yes but not in this life.  I know that whatever that plan is HE has included me.  I have quit asking and now accept.  Would I change things for her if I could?  In a heartbeat.  I watched her and could see HIM teaching me patience, teaching me acceptance of others, teaching me not to judge others.  Have these lessons been learned?  Somewhat, I'm still working on it.  

Beginning in Sept 1978, I learned each day I had to turn the day over to HIM and that's difficult for someone like me.  I knew that as long as I trust GOD things will work out.  My Catholic faith teaches me that there are things that are accepted on faith.  So now, this horrible brain disease is robbing her of so much and it breaks my heart.  But, I've always prayed that HE takes her before me and it seems that prayer will be answered.  And that's ok.  I have faith in GOD, I have love for HIM and I trust in HIS wisdom.  I accept what is when I can't change it.   I thought I couldn't care for her but know I can, I did.  She is safe, healthy and happy.  

I will continue to ask HIM to help me each day and thank HIM each night.  I don't have to have concrete answers because I have faith.

3 comments:

  1. Our hearts go out to you. I consider it essential that we who have Special Children
    have to have a faith in the Lord. I learned this in 1993 when we were building our
    church in Homer. As president at that time I was worrying about this and that.
    My Pastor one day said, “Ron, let the Lord do the worrying.” And that’s just what I did.
    From then on, when a problem came up, “I simply said, “Okay, Lord, How are You going to fix this problem?” And He did. In fact, I almost welcomed problems, just to see what God would do. That became a milestone of my faith.
    Marilyn and I many years ago went to a seminar. The speaker--bottom line--
    said, “Those of you with a Special Child are probably in a continuous grief cycle.”
    The light bulb came on. So that was it! That’s why we teared up whenever we thought about our son. And so, like you, we learned to live with the life the Lord had given us.
    I think you have done an excellent job. God chooses his servants wisely.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind comment. Mom greatly appreciates the support and the commonality that comes from hearing from other families with children with special needs. I am glad that both you and Mom find comfort in your faith.

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  2. I think he gave you that special gift because he knew you could and would love and take care of her. Wouldn't it have been a shame if he had given her to a weaker person?

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