Hostility

The number of days when Lyn shows open hostility are increasing.    The cause is the mental decline itself and the feelings of uncertainty and anxiety that it provokes.  Knowing this doesn't make the hostile days any easier for Mom to wade through.  A tough day is still a tough day.  Tuesday night, Mom wrote:

     We had a rough day today.  She was borderline hateful and snotty.  When I asked a question, she
     used a rather loud hateful tone to answer.  When I asked why she was using "that tone of voice," she,
     of course, denied it.  I reminded her that I didn't use such a tone.  Therefore, she couldn't use one
     either.  That would bring on The Look.  By mid-morning I knew I had to do something to completely
     change whatever was going on.  So I suggested we go find the two day hab facilities we'll be looking
     at.  I wanted to know where they are located.  We will tour one in the morning.  She heard "go" and
     that made everything better.  Nikka heard "go" and she ran to the garage door, hoping to be included
     and not sent to her crate.  LOL

     Lyn kept saying "I know where VSA is" and was going to direct me.  She seemed insulted that I'd
     written down both addresses.  Fortunately, both are out on North 4th Street.  So, off we went with the
     dog in tow.

     I had a very good idea where they both were but am able to play dumb.  When I got off I-40, she
     started with a bossy tone.  I reminded her that I could get right back on the highway and go home if
     she couldn't be half-way sweet.  One of the places is a 1/2 block from I-40.  I pointed it out and she
     argued that this wasn't the place.  I agreed it wasn't VSA (Very Special Arts) but the one I'd mailed
     the referral form to on Saturday.  "Oh" was all I heard.  

     We then drove in total silence about another 10 min.  I knew VSA was close to Griegos Road.  She
     said "No, it's on 4th Street, on this side."  Yes, it was on her side and about 1/2 block North of
     Griegos.  I kept quiet.  As we approached, she got excited and began pointing it out.  I said "that is
     where I thought it was" and now I know for sure.
  

     She looked like I'd kicked her when I didn't pull into the parking lot.  Kept on going to head home.

     I tried to explain that we can't just go there without an appointment which we have for Wednesday. 

     She was sullen for a couple of hours.  I just ignored her the rest of the way home.  I had neither the

     energy nor inclination to try to explain anything.  

     Once home, I asked if she felt ok because if she was being hateful because of cramps or being tired,
     I'd be happy to call her respite provider and tell her not to come for tonight's dinner group outting.
     Let's just say that they did go out.

     When her respite provider called from the gate, Lyn put on her jacket.  From her actions, I could tell
     she wasn't happy.  She jerked the zipper up and it came apart.  I told her to slip it off and go get
     another one.  I could fix the zipper while she was gone.  She had confusion in her eyes so I stood up
     to help her slip the jacket over her head.  

     She went out the door mumbling.  They came home early saying there was nothing to do.  When she
     went back to her room she saw the jacket, came out and nicely thanked me for fixing it.  She took a
     bath and was asleep before 8:30.
  

     I was worn out!  Dear God, I hope I can do this..............